No Guilt for Maintaining Boundaries

There have been a couple of instances recently where I’ve had to speak up strongly to maintain my boundaries. This wasn’t just saying ‘no’ to an event I didn’t want to attend, for example. This was being clear and articulate about what the other person did being unacceptable for me.

The first thing happened when a woman I’d only met once reached me on messenger. We’d been at the same women’s business lunch over two years earlier. We hadn’t been in contact since. Her message arrived at 10 o’clock at night, on a weekend. It was well-intended, congratulating me on something she’d seen on social media (that was big news to her, but not to me). Her familiarity with me was out of place, though, as was the timing of her message. Not even my closest friends contact me at that time. She then contacted me again around 7am the next morning, Sunday.

I replied to let her know I appreciated her intention but was going to leave the conversation there to protect my privacy, comfort and professional boundaries. She answered that my message was heard and acknowledged, wished me well, and the conversation closed.

Afterwards, guilt wanted to rise. Had I been harsh? Had I needed to reply so directly? It would have been easy to beat myself up over it. Instead, I asked my heart whether I truly wanted to open such a conversation with someone I hardly knew or let her into my private time so easily. The answer was a clear ‘no’.

I either left the door open and would then have to be mean and ignore future contact or be brave enough for directness to protect my boundaries from the start.

Any rising guilt then dissolved before it fully arrived.

It’s easy to feel guilty when we know we’ve not reacted the way the other person hopes.

But has that other person considered us before they’ve spoken their words or taken whatever action they are going to?

We are not responsible for their behaviour or reaction.

But we are responsible for our own boundaries.

If we let people walk over us, we are not treating ourselves kindly.

And we deserve our own kindness.

This morning another incident happened, this time with no guilt whatsoever.

(I get that this is becoming a longer newsletter than normal, but it’s my loving intention in sharing these two stories to support your own healthy boundaries, so please bear with me! They may help enormously in future or even now.)

So, I was out in my yard this morning photographing flowers. It was 6.45am.

If you’ve been watching the vlog, you’ll know there is a house being built on the property next door. A few days ago, the boss brought up an associate of his to quote on cleaning out my dry dam. I can only assume he liked the set-up of my place and told his workmates about it.

What then happened this morning was while I was wearing my dressing gown (and naked underneath) and photographing flowers, a ute pulled up with a young builder I’d seen next door and another slightly older guy. I asked what they were doing there at my place. The slightly older guy, who I’d never seen before, said they were just having a look at my set-up. When I asked him who he was, he just repeated they just wanted a look at my set-up (my house and surroundings, I guess). He was smiling as he said it, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to just arrive unannounced to check out someone’s private space.

I told him that wasn’t acceptable, the sign on the boundary said ‘Private Property’, and that it was 7 o’clock in the morning. He apologised but started looking at my place as we talked. I repeated myself more strongly and said it wasn’t acceptable and that I wasn’t comfortable with it. He then apologised, got back in his ute and drove out, very slowly, while still checking out my place.

It threw me right off. The morning had been so special with the moon still setting against the soft colours of sunrise. There had been about a dozen kangaroos nearby, and a half a rainbow in the distance. I was happy, simply photographing flowers at the start of my day.

Not only had their intrusion ruined all that, but I had also been scared for my physical safety (being naked under my dressing gown and with disabled hands that can’t defend me well). I also felt invaded to have them drive into my sacred space uninvited.

I’ve since spoken with his boss to let them know the actions I will take if it happens again!

There was no guilt this time. In fact, I stepped into my power clearly and strongly, dressing gown and all.

It might have made a better image if I was one to wear curlers in my hair, but alas, that was as good as it got!

The reason I could stand in my power in this moment was because of the previous incident I mentioned with the woman .

I had stood in my power then, not taken on guilt, and known it was necessary and the right thing.

It set me up for the second incident.

While these are my own personal stories, I hope you they will provide food for thought for your own boundaries and comfort.

Creating boundaries is a form of self-kindness and can only be maintained through knowing yourself well.

Tune into how people or situations leave you feeling. That will always be the best gauge. If there’s an energy leak or anything else of discomfort, be honest with yourself about it. Then love yourself enough to protect your energy, safety and joy.

With love,

Bronnie.

PS. This month’s vlog is called All Roads Lead Us Home. Who’d have known an anthill would inspire this episode’s theme? I love letting nature and the footage I collect guide me each month. It’s a pleasure to share it with you here. I hope you enjoy it.

---

---